I wonder what contributes to the dance of power and control, and if it is engrained into our personas as men and women? Is it a bigger issue relating to expectations in society? I feel emotions today are elevated due to this dance, which may be having an effect on the current divorce rates. I believe there is a correlation between this power and control, the economic situations and the social environment we live in; furthermore, a possibility of a deeper issue, that has gone on between men and women for centuries. I was witness to such a dance, a dance of power and control, which nearly took my life. What is it between men and women, which helps perpetuate this dangerous dance? I have been on a journey of discovery for some time; moreover, looking for answers to the cognitive and behavioral issues between the sexes that results in this game. A dance that can go from side to side in a bitter battle; in fact, creating at times the most horrifying experience for many who don’t even know they are dancing.
As I explore the many aspects of the complex play of power and control between men and women, I find my mind wonders in so many different directions; moreover, I end up wallowing in the complexity of emotions connected with this issue. My mind struggles to find reasoning on so many levels and I often feel like we as men and women are both to blame in the game, a tantalizing tango of trickery, that can end up deadly. Where we ultimately wind up loosing our soul; in fact, numbed by the many mind games played; consequently, living in a sate of unconsciousness for the remainder of our lives without truly feeling alive, or tragically in physical death by the hands of another. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), one in four women will find themselves a victim of abuse in their lifetime. An issue I believe needs to be addressed in society and in the courts.
In exploring the idea my first question to ask—Is power and control driven by the, emotion of fear? Are we all living in this state of fear, fear of loosing, so consumed by position and power, where our status is calculated by what we have and where we live? Materialistic tendencies where our worth is not valued in us as independent beings. While considering whether fear is a driving force, I found that the “Power and Control Wheel”(NCADV). Which is a reference used in educating on intimate partner violence stated that “coercion and threats” are used as a form of power to control; however, it does not go in to whether it is a driving force of it. While searching the various Ebrary databases I found that according to Nick Luxmore, “Adshead describes the violence of offenders not only as a way to stay in control, but as a defense against the threat of loss. The husband becomes violent when the wife threatens to leave”. This would then confirm to me that the “fear of loss;” in fact, escalates emotions to control the environment around us including our intimate partners man or woman; moreover, to protect us from that feeling of loss, and in some cases by the use of manipulation and violence.
With this feeling of loss, I question ownership in intimate partners? As I continued on my journey of discovery I found in a book called Gender Violence; in fact, stated in their history of violence against women section, that “In legal monogamous families women exchanged their sexual and domestic services for economic security, and that male sexual control of women in marriage is the equivalent of slave ownership.” This gave me concern as I feel this archaic attitude is still alive even today, in what is supposed to be a civilized world. To believe that even in the twenty first century, women often are unable to live free in many countries including the United States. In the great space of time why is it women still remain a commodity? The exchange of sex for security, I believe, still exists. My extensive connections through social media often takes me on a journey where women and children are still traded in a similar ways, commodities even into what is reported to be the civilized western world. A violation of many of the thirty basic Human Rights; in addition, I find it amazing that this list is translated into 379 different languages, yet we still have this barbaric behavior going on today. After reading more on Gender Violence my mind wonders if those of us considered as educated western women unconsciously enter into this contract. As if due to our ingrained idea of security which has been in our subconscious for centuries and is part of our nature, and characteristic that ultimately is our down fall, the mere nature of being men and women. Ultimately then when we try to live freely, which is also in our nature we compromise the contract, and the dance of power and control escalates to where we are going out of our initial unconscious contract; consequently, into a new conscious contract of freedom which creates the dangerous dance.
As I move into a search for character traits I decided to go back through the ages to the Greek period around C. 400 BCE. Where playwrights Sophocles, Euripides, and Aeschylus, tragedians, who were representing social and cultural issues of their times as plays. Tragedies such as Oedipus Rex, whose battle of power and control over fate would ultimately be his demise. Oedipus continued to try to control his fate of how he should be dealt with even after the truth was finally discovered and the kingdom was no longer his. Is it this kind of character trait that drives men to desire the power over all in their life. My mind questions do we have power over our own lives? Or is it fate that we follow, or maybe it’s our human complexities in character that fail us. I find it interesting how playwrights from so long ago understood the interplay between man and woman, and our character flaws. I found the comedy of Lysistrata by Aristophanes, a male playwright in the fourth century BCE, who gives light to a comical idea at the time of women taking control to stop war by refusing their men sexually. Is this then related back to that contract of sex for security, a woman’s sexuality as a playing card in the dance of power and control?
As I continue my research I feel none the wiser as to where our issue of power and control between men and women lies, is it a complex combination of ingrained character traits, unconscious social issues that we have not learnt to consciously change. Where men lay ownership over women; in addition, to where women give themselves in return for security. I find it a dangerous dance and would like to know more so as to shine a light on what it is to enter a contract of equality, and respect between the genders without the need for power and control.
Work Cited
Luxmore, Nick. Working with Anger and Young People. Philadelphia:Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2006. Print. Library Research, Ebrary, Web. 3 Oct. 2011.
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. NCADV. 2005-2011. Web. 5th Oct. 2011
O’Toole, Laura L. Schiffman, Jessica R. Kiter. Edwards, Margie L. Gender Violence Interdisciplinary Perspective. New York and London. New York University Press. 1997. Print. Library Research, Ebrary, Web. 3 Oct. 2011.
Universal Declaration of Human Rights. United Nations Office of the High Commission for Human Rights. OHCHR. 20 July. 1998. Web. 25 Sept.. 2011.
